Don't Steal from Your Kids by Giving Them
Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts
Dear Insider Club Member,
I know a loving mom who does just about everything to make sure her kids are happy every second of the day. If there isn't the type of food they like in the fridge, she runs to the store to buy it. Whenever the newest electronic device comes out, she makes sure they're the first to own it.
Of course, she refrains from requiring any chores out of them, because she knows they work hard at school. Besides, it upsets them when she asks them to help.
Unfortunately, and unintentionally, mom is stealing from her children. They are two of the most miserable human beings on earth. They walk around; actually they sit around most of the time, with scowls on their faces. Because mom has stolen their self-esteem and gotten them hooked on stuff, nothing seems to bring happiness or contentment. Everything is "stupid" or "boring."
When we train our kids to believe that getting stuff is the key to happiness, might we be stealing their lifelong joy and sense of fulfillment? In our book, From Innocence to Entitlement, we teach that true contentment comes from earning things rather than being showered with them.
To protect your children from this type of insidious theft, experiment with the following:
• The next time your child wants something, ask, "How do you think you might earn that?"
• Instead of taking on the problem of affording the item, say, "You may have that as soon as you can afford it."
• Give them some ideas about how they might earn the required cash, and give yourself a pat on the back for not giving in.
• Notice how proud they are when they earn things through good old-fashioned perspiration.
Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
2011 Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
Believe it or not, children crave limits. Children need a flexible sense of order and they can grow nervous/anxious without limits. Limits provide a physical environment where your child can feel safe and learn. The limits grow just like your child grows developmentally. For example, a three year old is too young for a sleep over, when a child is five or six years old you may consider it, and a ten year old is probably ready for a slumber party. Your child's readiness determines the boundries and when they expand. Setting limits is not controlling your child, but gives structure and encourages them to think, make choices and to take chances.
Post your limits ( rules, guidelines) Limit the guidelines to 5 or 6 and refer to them with your child.
Here are four family guidelines for treating others.
1) Use appropriate words to tell how we feel. Do not name call or use bad language
2)Do not hurt others physically or emotionally
3) Do not hurt property, others' or your own
4) We work to get out of a problem, not to stay in it.
Joslin, K.R., Positive Parenting from A to Z. (1994)
Parenting our children is no easy task. There is a plethora of parenting ideas, materials, theories and strategies on parenting that is available. A parent may wonder, where do I begin.
While I definiately do not consider myself an expert in parenting, it is always helpful to read, discuss and explore different ideas when parenting. I will be providing parenting tips through this blog and please feel free to comment, ask questions and share your thoughts and ideas.
Enjoy and happy parenting